Blog #11

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” –Stephen Covey
1) Reflect upon what you read in Chapter 11 of Thriving in College. What does this quote mean to you or how can you apply it to your life?
Chapter 11 talks about interpersonal relationships and how to build and keep them strong. This quote, to me, means that it is way more important to listen to others first before you start giving your opinion. I'm pretty sure I have stumbled upon this type of situation way too many times. The type of situation where you were listening, but did not put forth the effort to "really" listen. Because of this, you did not get the full picture of what they were saying, and you end up saying something that you definitely end up regreting later. For example: there have been many times in my life when I was already flustered about something that had happened earlier in the day, so when I'm having a conversation with someone else later on, I don't really listen to what they exactly saying, and I end up jumping to conclusions. Situations like this are what the quote above is refering to. You should ALWAYS pay full attention to what others are saying, and make sure you understand what they are saying before you begin to talk. As talked about in Ch. 11, it is always best to show the other person that you are listening and that you care. If you do not fully listen to them and then begin to talk and try to get them to understand your side of the situation, what makes you think that they are going to care.
2) (Refer to page 380 of the text): Are you a “Crisis Tickler,” “Withholder,” “Irritator,” “Blamer,” or “Gunnysacker?” Explain.
Wow that's a really hard question. In my opinion, i don't think i have a set technique. I think I hit all the points, because i will fight with different people differently. It just really depends on who I am upset with at the time.
First of all, people don't see me upset very often, because I very rarely get mad. I'm a pretty easy going person, and I dont like to make a big deal about a lot of things, because i LOVE being friends with a variety of different kinds of people. To do that, i believe you have to be lenient in many situations and on many occasions.
When I do get upset with people, it is usually with the people i am closest to. (that sounds really bad, but it's true) When it comes to my sisters, I definitely like to use the irritators technique. Com'mon... they're my sisters. If I'm mad at them, of course I'm going to want to bug the heck out of them, because that's probably what they were doing to make me upset in the first place.
When I'm upset with Daniel I have found that i like to use a variety. I guess it depends what mood I am in. Lot of times I will just ignore him, or just not seem overly excited to see him. Looking at it now, I guess I did it, because he would know instantly that I was mad at him and I knew it was a sort of punishment because he couldnt stand not talking to me or me not being excited to see him. Sometimes I will use the blamers technique on him too. It has always had this thing where he can't be mad at me for more than an hour. So, I think it just comes down to the fact that I can blame everything on him and in less than an hour he wont care anymore and I feel better because i secretly convinced myself that it wasn't my fault (when 95% of the time it is).
I tend to use the Gunnysackers technique on my mom. I do this because my mom is put through enough critisism and put-downs from my dad as it is, so I dont always like to tell her i am upset with her. So when she finally does something that I cant hold inside and i need to say something to her about it, I usually end up spilling out everything else along with it. I dont mean to do this to my mom, it just seems to accidentally happen.
The very few times in my life that I have gotten upset with someone who isn't family or practically family, I tend to use the Crisis Ticklers technique. When i do this i try to use an innoccent sounding statement or question that will hopefully trigger them to realize that i am bothered by whats going on. I usually do this because if it works then we dont have that conversation where i feel like a jerk for saying something, and if it doesnt work, then i just learn to deal with it and i end up getting over it in time.
Looking at what i just wrote makes me feel pretty bad. I guess i never really realized how bad all of these things were. :(